i hate myself right now

had chinese oral today.
i screwed the whole thing up. ugh. i can't even converse in basic chinese.
i'm not blaming anyone but myself.
i disappointed a lot of ppl because of this. they really believed i could do it, that i would be able to pass. they spoke to me in chinese. tell me words they think might come out. and were patient with me when i got confused. they even texted and called to ask how i did. and all i had to say was, " i think i failed".
they did their best to help, and i let them down.
sorry.

i'm so pathetic.

--i'm not the happy-go-lucky person you think i am